Inspired by an event at the last Artemis Party in October at the Unreality Zone (Mike's place). These things were all the rage back in those ancient days when the internet was mostly text... oh, those ancient halcyon days of gopher, wuarchive, and DikuMUDs... yeah, gettoffa my monochrome lawn!
Anyway... I should probably provide some infostructicational directiwhatsits for the whippersnappers out there. This is a 100-point Purity Test, so your purity starts at "100". For every item you can mark off below, subtract one point. The lower your score, the "less pure" you are. You can then compare your score with other Artemis players. Just so this is clear... you don't necessarily "WIN" by having a lower score. The purpose of the test is to serve as a conversation piece or as a source of "bragging rights."
Artemis 100-Point Purity Test (version 0.90)
Captain (15 points)
[ ] Worn a fancy hat.
[ ] Refused to leave port until provided with a beverage.
[ ] Ordered a crewmember to do something suicidal.
[ ] Referred to a crewmember as a "scaliwag" or "scurvy dog".
[ ] Cancelled all shore leave.
[ ] Left the bridge to get a drink.
[ ] When you came back, the ship was still in one piece (mostly).
[ ] When you came back, the ship was *NOT* in one piece.
[ ] Threatened to throw a crewmember into the brig.
[ ] Made a crewmember cry.
[ ] Told two crewmember to talk to EACH OTHER instead of yelling at you.
[ ] Pulled someone off a station so you could do it "the right way".
[ ] Run a ship entirely by yourself (every single station).
[ ] Successfully crawled over/under furniture to reset the server.
[ ] Talked into "Just One More Game!" even though you have work/school/travel early in the morning.
Comms (15 points)
[ ] Convinced a Kralien to surrender.
[ ] Convinced a Torgoth to surrender.
[ ] Convinced a Skaaran to surrender.
[ ] Spammed "Surrender" by mindlessly pressing '1' over and over again.
[ ] Successfully used a Double Agent/Secret Code Case.
[ ] Taunted an entire fleet into a minefield.
[ ] Taunted an entire fleet into a black hole.
[ ] Picked the wrong taunt.
[ ] Taunted a second time!
[ ] Gone through an entire mission just staring at the LRS.
[ ] Ordered a friendly vessel to do something, and they actually complied.
[ ] Ordered a friendly vessel to blindly charge into certain death.
[ ] Failed to read the mission instructions until the mission is over.
[ ] Failed to read the mission instructions even after the Captain asked if there were any instructions.
[ ] Failed to notice or press the Comms buttons that starts a scripted mission.
Engineering (15 points)
[ ] Used a Cetrocite Crystal.
[ ] Stored a custom preset.
[ ] Stored three or more custom presets.
[ ] Yell at your crew members to stop damaging your ship!
[ ] Reduced power to a necessary system because they were annoying you.
[ ] Lost all DamCon crews.
[ ] Set a system to 300% power and then forgot about it.
[ ] Set three or more systems at 300% at the same time.
[ ] Lit up every possible system node on the ship like an enraged Christmas tree.
[ ] Intentionally self-destructed.
[ ] Told a new player that Engineering is "easy".
[ ] Recharged the ship without any power cells, stations, salvage, or torpedoes.
[ ] Saved your DamCon crews from burning to death by moving them into the hallways.
[ ] Worked motherf#%&ing miracles.
[ ] Nobody even f#%&ing noticed.
Helm (20 Points)
[ ] Helmed a scout.
[ ] Helmed a missile cruiser.
[ ] Helmed a mine layer.
[ ] Helmed a carrier.
[ ] Helmed a dreadnought.
[ ] Left a fighter behind.
[ ] Flown While Intoximurfcated.
[ ] Led an enemy fleet into a minefield.
[ ] Led an enemy fleet into a black hole.
[ ] Attempted to dock at a station while still at warp speed.
[ ] Flown into a black hole (accidentally).
[ ] Flown into a black hole (intentionally).
[ ] Jumped in front of an enemy instead of jumping behind them.
[ ] Attempted to jump off the map.
[ ] Accidentally lowered shields after Weapons raised shields.
[ ] Missed picking up an upgrade and had to turn around.
[ ] Missed the same upgrade twice.
[ ] Hit an asteroid at Warp 4.
[ ] Flown through a minefield at Warp 4
[ ] Backed up over your own mine.
Science (15 Points)
[ ] Used a Lateral Array.
[ ] Scanned a Kralien.
[ ] Scanned a Torgoth.
[ ] Scanned an Arvonian.
[ ] Scanned a Skaaran.
[ ] Scanned a whale.
[ ] Scanned a shark.
[ ] Scanned a NSect.
[ ] Scanned a charybdis.
[ ] Scanned a dragon.
[ ] Scanned a typhon.
[ ] Scanned space junk.
[ ] Scanned everything on the map, including every enemy twice.
[ ] Shouted out the wrong beam frequency.
[ ] Shouted out the wrong navigation bearing.
Weapons (20 Points)
[ ] Used a Tauron Focuser.
[ ] Used a Carapaction Coil.
[ ] Destroyed a ship that had already surrendered.
[ ] Forgot to raise shields before entering a battle.
[ ] Tagged a monster.
[ ] Tagged an enemy ship.
[ ] Fired a probe without making a "probe" joke.
[ ] Fired a probe while making a "probe" joke.
[ ] Destroyed an entire fleet with beams.
[ ] Destroyed an entire fleet with mines.
[ ] Destroyed an enemy ship with a PShock.
[ ] Stunned a monster with a PShock.
[ ] Nuked a friendly fighter.
[ ] Nuked your own ship by firing too close to an enemy.
[ ] Accidentally destroyed a friendly base.
[ ] Used a beacon to attract monsters.
[ ] Converted energy to a torpedo and used it to destroy an enemy.
[ ] Converted all torpedos to energy, leaving the ship without any projectile weapons.
[ ] Converted all available energy to torpedos, stranding the ship without any energy.
[ ] Emptied all your ammo bays by firing everything, including beacons, probes, and tags.